The Leafy Sea Dragon (Phycodurus eques, lit. ‘Oh, you like it? Thanks, I made it myself’) is a relative of the seahorse and the only member of Genus Phycodurus. Found at overcrowded clubs with lines down the block in seas around western and southern Australia (though it always waits until the last minute to pick which club to go to), the leafy sea dragon is distinguished – as it clearly wants to be – by the long leaf-like protrusions all over its body. Designed to resemble seaweed in appearance and motion, these appendages serve no purpose besides camouflage and helping the leafy sea dragon win the $50 Amazon gift card during the Halloween costume contest.
‘I started planning in August.’
You have to hand it to P. eques. While other animals were busy evolving exceptional speed or intelligence, the leafy sea dragon could have cared less about the future, instead focusing on coming up with the most awesome Halloween costume. When it first told everyone that it was going to dress up as seaweed, nobody paid attention or cared. No, they were too busy studying hydrodynamics and mating rituals. But when the week leading up to Halloween finally arrived and the hammerhead shark was running around trying to figure out how to dress up like a hobo, the leafy sea dragon was busy planning how it would manage to show off its outfit at seven different parties in one night, two of them in the Valley. (There’s a lot to consider too. Like, the cops are gonna be out in force so cabs are gonna be a good idea, but they’re gonna have to wait forever to get one each time, etc.)
But come Halloween night, the leafy sea dragon figures out all the logistics (Doug will be the designated driver) and wows everyone with its truly eerily-real seaweed costume.
The other interesting thing about the leafy sea dragon is that the male tends to the eggs, which likely has something to do with the female leafy sea dragon spending about half the night gossiping in the bathroom with her friends.
GRADE: A (for effort)